*sighs deeply*
I need to make a correction to my previous post. I used the word "block" because that is what ended up happening to my friend's walls. I had only intended to put them in the "Can't See Me" file for the duration it took me to recollect my happy thoughts.
Apparently you can't do that anymore. Once you do that, the person becomes blocked and then the only way to reconnect with them, is to resend a friend request. A lot of hassle and I think Facebook should make that feature work the way it used to, but that's a subject for another day.
So my friends got blocked. It was not what I intended, but is what happened. So at the time I wrote my previous post, I was aware of what had happened and used the word "blocked."
I explain it in detail now because one of the two friends took great offense at my blog post and accused me of lying in the message I sent to explain what had happened and why I now needed to send another friend request. Before you ask, of course it is the same friend who was making incorrect accusations the day before too, despite my words being visible in black & white.
I was finding the entire situation very distressing, as no one wants to argue with the people they care about. However, things have turned out fine with the friend who's Facebook page I had hijacked in bad form. My apology was accepted and we've since had a laugh about it. (In retrospect, I've known this friend much longer, since we were kids, and perhaps he simply has a better understanding of me.)
I fear the situation with my second friend may be approaching Lost Cause territory, which is a shame.
The moral of this story: do not hijack people's Facebook pages to carry on an argument and (I'm having this one made in to a tattoo that will go across my hands so that in the future if I'm tempted, I'll be able to see it before I start typing) NEVER get in to debates over religion or politics.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
You're not right just because you said you were
I don’t imagine many people enjoy being wrong… but having grown up in a house where adults never say they’re sorry or admit to wrongdoings, I’ve made it a point to admit to my faults. I don’t do it for any magnanimous purpose, I simply don’t want anyone ever likening me to those people.
You’d think that saying you’re sorry would be something meaningful, but it isn’t always. Take my eleven year old, for example. He says he’s sorry all the time, though I think he’s actually sorry that he got caught or sorry that he has to listen to my scolding. Understandable. He is, after all, only eleven.
I apologized to a friend yesterday. I was in a bad mood and something I read on his Facebook page set me off. I posted a comment about it, which I thought was pretty mild, but another friend took up the gauntlet and away we went pecking at each other. In the end I realized that while my gripe was legitimate, the manner in which I chose to handle it wasn’t and so I apologized. You’d expect an honest apology would be well met. You’d be wrong.
The situation continued to denigrate throughout the day and this morning, I ended up blocking both friends. Pretty sad, eh?
I love that Facebook reconnects us with old friends, but maybe there should be an instruction manual that includes a section on how to balance who you remember people being with whom they’ve become. I haven’t seen either friend in over 20 years and remember them both as being talented men with great senses of humor. They’ve grown up to be cantankerous old farts who like to grumble about the government and behead (figuratively) anyone who disagrees with them.
Interestingly, most people I run in to after 20 years comment on how I’m pretty much the same person, perhaps a little wiser, definitely a little heavier, and still in possession of the sense of humor I’ve always been known for. That’s nice to hear. But not everything is as it appears.
One change is that I’ve gone to college and actually just received word yesterday that my request to continue working on my Masters will most likely be granted. (Excellent news, but I digress.) My studies in Communication included coursework in Argumentation, very much like debate, where you are taught how to successfully argue and also what constitutes an effective argument. Turns out, as I suspected, saying things like “Yeah, well, you’re ugly” is considered a poor form of argumentation, no matter how satisfying it is to yell.
I am thinking of this because during the course of yesterday’s kerfuffle, twice I was accused of saying something I hadn’t said. This was odd because both accusations were of the “poor me” variety, an area I try to avoid arguing from as I’ve been taught it’s a place of weakness, but mostly because our argument was in written form so it was clearly in black & white that I had not said those things.
At one point, I was even accused of trying to make myself out to be the innocent party with no part in any of the blame… If that’s how I felt, why did I apologize, I asked? The answer was that I must have felt at fault, which I was, and that no one else had any reason to apologize. Hmmm. Really? Not even for making negative and false accusations at me? I see. Okay then. BLOCK.
Perhaps blocking friends is extreme and perhaps, too, I’ll get over it and take the block off. But first I would share one bit of advice: never argue with someone who has been professionally trained at it, unless you have been too. Not only are the trained taught to argue above board and in facts, they are also trained to recognize people who argue from places of weakness.
If you argue from weakness, you won’t stand a chance, even if I’m the one initially at fault. As soon as you lower yourself to arguing emotionally, I’ve won… even if I haven’t.
Here’s another bit of advice, if you ever get the chance, take Argumentation! Imagine if we all conducted our differences of opinion with maturity, facts, and mutual respect. Holy crap! We might actually start settling things amicably!
But in the meantime, we soldier on… and you know what? My friends are ugly!!! Well, their arguing styles are, anyway. (LMAO!)
You’d think that saying you’re sorry would be something meaningful, but it isn’t always. Take my eleven year old, for example. He says he’s sorry all the time, though I think he’s actually sorry that he got caught or sorry that he has to listen to my scolding. Understandable. He is, after all, only eleven.
I apologized to a friend yesterday. I was in a bad mood and something I read on his Facebook page set me off. I posted a comment about it, which I thought was pretty mild, but another friend took up the gauntlet and away we went pecking at each other. In the end I realized that while my gripe was legitimate, the manner in which I chose to handle it wasn’t and so I apologized. You’d expect an honest apology would be well met. You’d be wrong.
The situation continued to denigrate throughout the day and this morning, I ended up blocking both friends. Pretty sad, eh?
I love that Facebook reconnects us with old friends, but maybe there should be an instruction manual that includes a section on how to balance who you remember people being with whom they’ve become. I haven’t seen either friend in over 20 years and remember them both as being talented men with great senses of humor. They’ve grown up to be cantankerous old farts who like to grumble about the government and behead (figuratively) anyone who disagrees with them.
Interestingly, most people I run in to after 20 years comment on how I’m pretty much the same person, perhaps a little wiser, definitely a little heavier, and still in possession of the sense of humor I’ve always been known for. That’s nice to hear. But not everything is as it appears.
One change is that I’ve gone to college and actually just received word yesterday that my request to continue working on my Masters will most likely be granted. (Excellent news, but I digress.) My studies in Communication included coursework in Argumentation, very much like debate, where you are taught how to successfully argue and also what constitutes an effective argument. Turns out, as I suspected, saying things like “Yeah, well, you’re ugly” is considered a poor form of argumentation, no matter how satisfying it is to yell.
I am thinking of this because during the course of yesterday’s kerfuffle, twice I was accused of saying something I hadn’t said. This was odd because both accusations were of the “poor me” variety, an area I try to avoid arguing from as I’ve been taught it’s a place of weakness, but mostly because our argument was in written form so it was clearly in black & white that I had not said those things.
At one point, I was even accused of trying to make myself out to be the innocent party with no part in any of the blame… If that’s how I felt, why did I apologize, I asked? The answer was that I must have felt at fault, which I was, and that no one else had any reason to apologize. Hmmm. Really? Not even for making negative and false accusations at me? I see. Okay then. BLOCK.
Perhaps blocking friends is extreme and perhaps, too, I’ll get over it and take the block off. But first I would share one bit of advice: never argue with someone who has been professionally trained at it, unless you have been too. Not only are the trained taught to argue above board and in facts, they are also trained to recognize people who argue from places of weakness.
If you argue from weakness, you won’t stand a chance, even if I’m the one initially at fault. As soon as you lower yourself to arguing emotionally, I’ve won… even if I haven’t.
Here’s another bit of advice, if you ever get the chance, take Argumentation! Imagine if we all conducted our differences of opinion with maturity, facts, and mutual respect. Holy crap! We might actually start settling things amicably!
But in the meantime, we soldier on… and you know what? My friends are ugly!!! Well, their arguing styles are, anyway. (LMAO!)
Sunday, September 5, 2010
From high road to side of the road
And on the subject of "Wow, can things change fast or what?" Now I've gone from single mom with three jobs to single Mom in need of a job. With the election results now in, I will officially be unemployed by January.
Here's my ad:
Job Hunting: Is anyone in need of an exceptional writer with a rich background in media, public relations, and advertising? Also a great graphic designer and knowledgeable about tourism, marketing, and broadcasting! An energetic, driven person with a quirky sense of humor and keen fashion sense.
How do I post my resume up here? I still have my two part time jobs, but the pressure is certainly on to come up with a plan, isn't it! Let me know if you hear of anything I'd be good for. No politics, though... I'm not cut out for it. Definitely not my cup of tea. I like playing nice and its all too sketchy for this Pollyanna.
Wouldn't you know, just when the house I want to buy finally comes available!!! Always with the timing! Let's get this girl employed, people! Biba "Cindy gets a job!" Biba!!!
Here's my ad:
Job Hunting: Is anyone in need of an exceptional writer with a rich background in media, public relations, and advertising? Also a great graphic designer and knowledgeable about tourism, marketing, and broadcasting! An energetic, driven person with a quirky sense of humor and keen fashion sense.
How do I post my resume up here? I still have my two part time jobs, but the pressure is certainly on to come up with a plan, isn't it! Let me know if you hear of anything I'd be good for. No politics, though... I'm not cut out for it. Definitely not my cup of tea. I like playing nice and its all too sketchy for this Pollyanna.
Wouldn't you know, just when the house I want to buy finally comes available!!! Always with the timing! Let's get this girl employed, people! Biba "Cindy gets a job!" Biba!!!
Friday, September 3, 2010
Taking the higher road...
I’ve been so busy of late, juggling motherhood, three jobs, and volunteering at the radio station, that I haven’t had the time or energy to blog… but found inspiration today in the most unsettling way.
Any of my coworkers could tell you that I’m not really cut out to work in politics. I’m either too naïve, too nice, too sensitive, or too honest – your pick, as I’ve been told that they all apply. One thing I do know is that you will never see me running for public office and my hat is off to anyone who does.
You’d think after so many years working in media, I’d of developed thick skin, but I haven’t. Nor have I developed an ability to let people talking smack about those I care about roll off my back… I tend to come out swinging and it’s not unheard of for me to end up smacking myself in the face at the same time. But there are depths to which I will never sink and one of those is attacking someone’s children.
In the recent battle for the Republican seat in the upcoming election for Governor of Guam, I have been very disheartened to witness some of the worst examples of dirty politicking that I have ever seen. This had already been a tough campaign period for me as someone I consider a friend is a candidate on the team opposing mine, which ironically is also made up of people I’m friendly with. I remember telling him, more than a year ago, that he was going to make my life very difficult, as obviously, no one wants to choose between friends.
Regardless, we made a pact to continue being friends no matter how the upcoming election should turn out, but lately I fear that promise may end up falling apart through no fault of his or mine.
Despite my naïve hopes that this election would remain unsullied by personal attacks, it has become ugly and, worse, one of the ugliest races I’ve ever seen, let alone had a front row seat for. It has become nastier and more brutal as each day passes and my belief that elections can be conducted solely by promoting the merits and qualifications of a candidate have dwindled at the same pace.
It has gone beyond the traditional name calling that one might expect as each side has now had their children dragged in to the fray to be used as weapons to score points off the other. While I believe it may have been the Democrat team who actually plucked the string that shot the first arrow, sadly aimed at my friend on the other side, the supporters of both camps have since willingly embraced the negative tactics that will undoubtedly result in an irreparable implosion that will last long past the election this November.
It is sad to watch as people I respect and consider friends have their private lives dissected and demeaned in public, to watch as their children are used as political pawns, and as they themselves are manipulated in to behavior that they would typically be well above. I imagine that they would tell me not to worry, that this is the life they chose in order to be public servants, and that they are each in possession of the thick skin I so sorely lack. Perhaps they would be right, but I still grieve over a process that didn’t need to become so depressing to watch.
Today, however, I find my grief turning to outrage and anger as my own family has been dragged in to the fight, in particular, my eleven year old son.
Throughout this election process, I have been attacked in the online postings of a local newspaper, despite having no official role in the campaign of the team I support. Once I found I was being blamed for being part of something I knew nothing about and had to make several phone calls to figure out exactly what it was that I was being blamed for. Thick skin or no, I have taken these occurrences in stride as par for the course of having a job at the Governor’s office.
That said, there is absolutely no justifiable excuse for anyone to use my son in an attack on me or to do it from a place of anonymity where I cannot even properly defend him, as any mother would want to do. To call this attack cowardly does not even begin to describe my disgust or fury that someone would stoop so low as to use my child in such a way, particularly when I’ve been very open and clear about my feelings over using anyone’s child in such a manner.
Whoever these people are, as there is more than one, they do seem to know quite a bit about my personal life. In fact, they seem to be aware of intimate details about me and my son that only my closest friends would know. I find that nearly as distressing as hearing, then reading for myself, that my son was used in a public forum designed to hurt me for something that, once again, I played no role in.
False friends are like false prophets. Eventually they are found out for the fake poseurs they really are and I pray that God continues to guide my footsteps towards forgiveness and faith that no retribution I could dream up would even begin to compare with what He can dish out.
God bless all of the children who are being so sadly used at this time. Sometimes adults are just plain evil and the best we can do is try to lead by example, teaching our children that it is always best to take the higher road.
Any of my coworkers could tell you that I’m not really cut out to work in politics. I’m either too naïve, too nice, too sensitive, or too honest – your pick, as I’ve been told that they all apply. One thing I do know is that you will never see me running for public office and my hat is off to anyone who does.
You’d think after so many years working in media, I’d of developed thick skin, but I haven’t. Nor have I developed an ability to let people talking smack about those I care about roll off my back… I tend to come out swinging and it’s not unheard of for me to end up smacking myself in the face at the same time. But there are depths to which I will never sink and one of those is attacking someone’s children.
In the recent battle for the Republican seat in the upcoming election for Governor of Guam, I have been very disheartened to witness some of the worst examples of dirty politicking that I have ever seen. This had already been a tough campaign period for me as someone I consider a friend is a candidate on the team opposing mine, which ironically is also made up of people I’m friendly with. I remember telling him, more than a year ago, that he was going to make my life very difficult, as obviously, no one wants to choose between friends.
Regardless, we made a pact to continue being friends no matter how the upcoming election should turn out, but lately I fear that promise may end up falling apart through no fault of his or mine.
Despite my naïve hopes that this election would remain unsullied by personal attacks, it has become ugly and, worse, one of the ugliest races I’ve ever seen, let alone had a front row seat for. It has become nastier and more brutal as each day passes and my belief that elections can be conducted solely by promoting the merits and qualifications of a candidate have dwindled at the same pace.
It has gone beyond the traditional name calling that one might expect as each side has now had their children dragged in to the fray to be used as weapons to score points off the other. While I believe it may have been the Democrat team who actually plucked the string that shot the first arrow, sadly aimed at my friend on the other side, the supporters of both camps have since willingly embraced the negative tactics that will undoubtedly result in an irreparable implosion that will last long past the election this November.
It is sad to watch as people I respect and consider friends have their private lives dissected and demeaned in public, to watch as their children are used as political pawns, and as they themselves are manipulated in to behavior that they would typically be well above. I imagine that they would tell me not to worry, that this is the life they chose in order to be public servants, and that they are each in possession of the thick skin I so sorely lack. Perhaps they would be right, but I still grieve over a process that didn’t need to become so depressing to watch.
Today, however, I find my grief turning to outrage and anger as my own family has been dragged in to the fight, in particular, my eleven year old son.
Throughout this election process, I have been attacked in the online postings of a local newspaper, despite having no official role in the campaign of the team I support. Once I found I was being blamed for being part of something I knew nothing about and had to make several phone calls to figure out exactly what it was that I was being blamed for. Thick skin or no, I have taken these occurrences in stride as par for the course of having a job at the Governor’s office.
That said, there is absolutely no justifiable excuse for anyone to use my son in an attack on me or to do it from a place of anonymity where I cannot even properly defend him, as any mother would want to do. To call this attack cowardly does not even begin to describe my disgust or fury that someone would stoop so low as to use my child in such a way, particularly when I’ve been very open and clear about my feelings over using anyone’s child in such a manner.
Whoever these people are, as there is more than one, they do seem to know quite a bit about my personal life. In fact, they seem to be aware of intimate details about me and my son that only my closest friends would know. I find that nearly as distressing as hearing, then reading for myself, that my son was used in a public forum designed to hurt me for something that, once again, I played no role in.
False friends are like false prophets. Eventually they are found out for the fake poseurs they really are and I pray that God continues to guide my footsteps towards forgiveness and faith that no retribution I could dream up would even begin to compare with what He can dish out.
God bless all of the children who are being so sadly used at this time. Sometimes adults are just plain evil and the best we can do is try to lead by example, teaching our children that it is always best to take the higher road.
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