It's just another day

Well, Father's Day is coming up this weekend and its not exactly an anticipated event in my household. It is said that little girls grow up to be with men who are just like their own fathers... and that is definitely true in my case. Sadly, my son's father is just as neglectful and hurtful as my own. I kick myself for not making a better choice for my boy, though ironically, I do thank him for the "sperm donation" that resulted in my beautiful son.

A friend of mine put it beautifully, "Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a Dad."

My son's father pays child support but only because he has to. It's court ordered and because they don't trust him either (they've had to toss him in jail a few times for non-payment), it is taken directly out of his check and sent to the three women who gave birth to his three children.

When I first filed for child support, I was awarded $320 per month, but after he had another child, it was lowered to $22o. I don't think I have ever received anything close to either amount. This month, my child support payment was a whopping $43. Whoo hoo!

I realize that there are women out there who get even less and many who don't get a dime. In that respect, I suppose I'm lucky, although it doesn't feel that way when I'm wheeling and dealing with the power company so they won't turn our electricity off.

My ex is a park ranger these days, making just over $8 an hour. When we were together he earned between $12 - 40 an hour fixing computers, at which he is quite gifted but that requires work. Not his favorite thing. His wife is a real mover and shaker, earning pretty close to $100K.

They live in a huge 6 bedroom house on a near acre of forested land. They have two big screen TVs and when I say big, I mean 70+ inches. They go out to eat whenever they like, drive nice cars, and take lots of trips. It makes me sick.

I would love to be angry at the wife for encouraging this loafer to be such a waste of space, but it isn't her fault. I might not be as angry if the man paid even the slightest attention to any of his children, but he doesn't. Despite his living the high life, he hasn't sent any of his children a card or a gift or even made a simple phone call for their birthdays or Christmas in over three years.

One day, all three kids will hate him and he will have earned every bit of that emotion. His daughter already has nothing nice to say about him, though his two sons (one of which is mine) still hold out hope that one day their father will care as much about them as they do about him.

I have not reminded my son that this weekend is Father's Day and I am hoping he doesn't remember. I would be heartbroken to have to witness a repeat of last year, when my son asked if we could call his dad to wish him a happy Father's Day and I had to remind him that we don't have his phone number.

Oh, the man has a phone... but he won't give anyone the number, not even his children. The only way to contact him is to send an email to his wife and hope that she will get back to you. She usually does, but she doesn't like to because she doesn't like any of the mothers of her hubby's children. You see, she thinks we're all horrible people for thinking so poorly of her wonderful man.

I will never cease to wonder at successful women who have relationships with men who are such glaringly obvious losers.

So, if you will be celebrating Father's Day this weekend because you have a deserving Dad, think of my son and his brother and sister. Then give your Dad an extra tight hug for being such a great man and a wonderful father. You are very lucky.

Then give your Dad another hug, this one from me and tell him I said "thank you." It is somewhat comforting to know that there are some very good Dads in this world... even if neither my son nor I were lucky enough to get one.